Chicken Vindaloo

England are as good as out of the World Cup. Welp.

Well, they certainly are if Oscar has this next one correct:

(Apologies for the poor photo quality. The moving boxes are stacking up.)

Could it happen? Costa Rica beat Italy? Well, this World Cup has had a decent amount of giant (and England)-killing so far, so anything’s possible. I’d also like to draw your attention to perhaps the best World Cup-related cartoon known to man. Here’s a Costa Rican newspaper’s depiction of their team as a giant sloth smoking a joint and conquering Group D.

And here’s another surprise – Oscar predicts two draws today. For Switzerland versus France, he climbed up my arm, and for Honduras versus Ecuador, he flew back to his cage.

 

 

And his poor owner still hasn’t taken the England paint off her fingernails.

One Parrot, Three Lions

See, he doesn’t always go left! And as much as I dislike Didier Drogba, I have to agree with Oscar on this one.

 

Now this next one…awww, man. I don’t want to believe.

I won’t take Oscar’s choice personally – perhaps he’s just a hard-nosed (beaked?) realist. We all know Luis Suarez is a diving, biting little cheat. Look, Luis, it’s OK that Oscar deliberately nibbles my arm every now and then. BECAUSE HE’S A BIRD. You’re a grown man. Don’t bite people.

 

 

And then for one of the matches likely to be uneventful, Japan versus Greece. Sushi over souvlaki. Hokkaido over Heraklion. A win for Japan.

 

I promise you, some stats will be coming soon! I’m in the process of packing up and getting ready for a move, but I assure you, there will be some mathematical goodness within the next couple days.

Creature of habit

Three more left-turns. And I honestly think he’s having a laugh now.

No, Oscar, the Socceroos are not going to win this. They’re not. If, miraculously, they do, then I will eat my hat. (It’s a Carmen Miranda-style fruit hat. Very healthy.)

Sounds legit.

Anybody’s game, this one, but it’s really the battle of the kits, isn’t it? And I think Cameroon’s wins by just a touch.

Belgium and Brazil and Russia, OH MY

 

 

Oscar went one-for-three yesterday. Not great, but really, who would have guessed the USA would score in less than a minute? Not me, not my bird. Onward to today’s matches. Oscar says Belgium will beat Algeria. As there are a few Spurs players on Belgium’s side, I am inclined to agree.

 

Home field advantage strikes again – Brazil to beat Mexico.

And now for two teams I completely forgot were even in the World Cup, Russia and South Korea. I don’t know why they don’t get to play their first match until after Brazil and Mexico get their second, but whatever, Oscar says Russia will win.

 

So, that’s three left-side choices from Oscar. If you notice from the photos, he’s “left-footed” – he always grips the almond slice in his left foot and takes bites from it like a human would do with a candy bar or sandwich. Turns out there’s a scientific explanation for this. It turns out most parrots are left-footed, and the eye they use to see food corresponds to the foot they use to grip it. Remember, he’s got eyes on the side of his head, not in front like humans. So, no wonder Oscar usually chooses the team on the left side of the paper even though I place him on the floor at the halfway point – he’s automatically looking for the almond with his left eye. In the cases where he picks the team on the right, like the Netherlands on Day 2, perhaps he has his head turned when I put him down on the floor.

 

More experimentation needed!

 

I really should just take videos, but the 3500 photos currently eating up my iPhone memory are not going to shift themselves to create more free space, and I’m too lazy to go through and transfer them all. So, eh, later.

Redemption!

After a disastrous Saturday, Oscar surged back by getting all three of Sunday’s results correct. Now it’s a new week and there are some heavy hitters ahead. First up, Germany versus Portugal:

Germany to beat Portugal. Oscar must find Cristiano Ronaldo as irritating as I do. And as smarmy, and as greasy, and as all-out annoying. I’m glad to see my influence in action.

 

Iran should be a doddle for Nigeria. For a bit of a diversion, here’s “Lagos Town” by Afrikan Boy, the same man who brought you a song about shoplifting from discount supermarkets, and who recently received a UK government grant for music. Don’t ask me about that, because I don’t know.

And finally…Oscar may be American by hatch, but he’s not letting any prejudices get in the way. The third match of the day is all Ghana’s.

Oops.

Well, after a promising start, Oscar got the wrong result for all four matches yesterday. (Who would have thought England would lose? OK, a lot of people. But still.) Maybe he’ll have better luck today.

Switzerland over Ecuador? It’s possible. I would have picked Ecuador to win, but I’m not a bird predicting World Cup results.

 

France over Honduras. Makes sense to me. And if he’s wrong, we can bask in the joy of a tremendous upset.

 

And Argentina over Bosnia-Herzegovina. Smart prediction.

Oscar chose the left-hand column on all three today. He has shown a preference for that side throughout the tournament so far, but he has chosen teams on the right – most notably the Netherlands. After the group stages, I’ll run the stats and determine whether it’s likely this is all due to chance.

Day 2 round-up and Saturday predictions

Four matches in, and Oscar is at 75% accuracy. He may not have given a goal margin, but he had Netherlands to beat Spain, only faltering by somehow believing Australia’s Socceroos would upset Chile’s Footbalpacas. Still, not bad.

Moving into the first weekend of the tournament, Oscar has already predicted England will beat Italy and Greece will beat Colombia, but there are two other matches to be played…

 

Oscar says Uruguay will beat Costa Rica. Can’t really argue with that.

And now, at last, a draw! Oscar flew away when placed in front of Cote d’Ivoire versus Japan. Unfortunately no footage of him in flight, but the breeze from his wings sent the almond pieces straight off the game board.

Futbolkeet loves Socceroos

Quaker parrots are native to South America – Brazil, Argentina, and Uruguay in particular. Unfortunately, Oscar isn’t predicting great results for two of the continent’s other teams in their opening matches.

As clearly shown here, Oscar opts for the irresistable Aussie almond rather than taking a chomp on Chile. Choosing the Socceroos probably goes against conventional wisdom, but, eh, this is a bird. Also, seeing how he’s green with hints of blue and yellow, I reckon Oscar wants Brazil to win the whole thing, and he doesn’t care much for its intra-continental rivals.

Or, this is a bird.

 

Then it’s bad news for Colombia as Oscar opts for Greek food. Like owner, like bird.

As the tournament kicks off in Brazil today, keep in mind that there is a colony of feral quaker parrots living in Rio de Janeiro. Amazingly, they’re not even the most interesting birds you’ll find there. But they are the most interesting birds you’ll find in Brooklyn, where I snapped this photo of the massive nest at the gate to Green-Wood Cemetery this past weekend:

It was an eye-poppingly bright day as Oscar’s feral cousins went about their maintenance duties, squawking up a storm. True city-dwellers, they manage their nests in a co-op style. Dozens of couples raise their chicks in this one avian apartment block. And with a little luck, today I’ll be signing a lease on my own high perch in New York City…

And now that the World Cup is about to get underway, I’ll soon be able to calculate statistics for Oscar’s picks –  and after a while, determine whether they are significantly different from those of the bookmakers. I knew all that education would come in handy someday.

Body off Springwatch. Face off Crimewatch. Get in.

 

 

48 Years of Hurt…

England versus Italy. Probably the first truly dramatic match of the tournament, and it all goes down this Saturday. 

Now, England is one of those countries that should be a lot better than they really are. After all, England essentially invented the modern game (as a Victorian diversion to stop boys masturbating, but that’s for another blog). Still, their relatively high FIFA ranking doesn’t honestly reflect their tendency to under-perform when it really counts. The joy of being an England fan is largely in the masochism: you talk up the team, get really excited, and dream of 2014 being the new 1966, when deep down you know you’re just going to go out in the quarter-finals. Probably on penalties. Again.

And then there’s Italy! 2006 winners Italy. Sexy football Italy. That Dude Who Annoyed Zidane So Much He Got Headbutted Italy. Yep.

What does Oscar think?

Look at that speed! No question about it, he has England for the win. Is this desirability bias, knowing that his owner will be beyond happy with this result? Is it pure chance, because seriously, this is a bird we’re talking about? WHO KNOWS! I’m satisfied. For now.

 

I can’t wait for Wayne Rooney to get sent off.

Let’s get it started…

The World Cup begins on Thursday with hosts Brazil taking on Croatia. Now, before we get down to business, let me draw your attention to Croatia’s kit.

This, this is beautiful. Way to integrate your country’s flag, Croatia. If this were a fashion competition, you’d make it to the semi-finals, but then probably get knocked out by Cameroon’s fantastic lion/zigzag/text shirts.

But this isn’t a fashion competition, it’s a football competition, and Oscar is here to pick a winner.

The board is set:

(I never said this was high-tech.)

Note that the almond slices are as close to identical as possible, lest I be accused of unduly influencing a creature with a cashew-sized brain.

Now, prepare the parrot!

An unexpected advance up the right wing (hurrrrr). Could Oscar really think Croatia will pull off an upset and beat the hosts?

…A swift retreat. It then occurred to me he hadn’t noticed the almonds. A little repositioning, and he ran straight for the Brazil almond, quickly bringing it back to his human too quickly for me to take a picture of him on the game board, natch.

So, there you have it. A result with which I’m sure many humans would agree. Well, that was easy. Shall we move on to the next?

A decisive victory for Mexico over Cameroon. Let it be known Mexico has also put in some effort with their kits this year, unlike nearly everybody else. So even if you have no interest in the result, you should probably watch this match for the pure visual appeal.

 

Third up is a big one: reigning champions Spain versus veritable footballing powerhouse the Netherlands, whose name length I obviously didn’t take into account when planning this out. All subsequent matches will use the three-letter abbreviation of each country. OHH YAH.

…And Oscar makes quick work of this one. No doubt about it, the Oraanje will be victorious. Just wait and see.

Stay tuned for more…